Tuesday, June 26, 2012

something very special planned

I'm at the coffee shop drawing in my sketchbook (nothing scandalous, I promise), and this gorgeous blonde woman comes up admitting that she was watching me, started asking questions about me, about art, stumbling over her flattery a little, totally adorable, right? Right. I give her my card, introduce myself, she introduces herself (M_____), we shake hands, warm smiles both ways, awesome. Then she goes to the bathroom, comes out a couple minutes later, and walks back over to me. SWEET. I try not to notice, keep it cool, don't blow this, Vincent. She proceeds to tell me how she was Saved three years ago, and that she can just FEEL that Jesus has something very special planned for me, VERY special, and do I have any questions about the Lord? Haha, I suppress the FML smile and kindly reply, "I'm all set, M_____, but thanks so much!"
"You're welcome, and please, anything I can do! I can just feel He has something special planned!"
"Great, nice to meet you, M_____!"
"Nice to meet you, too, Vincent!"

So is it THAT obvious that I'm marked with sin and the eternal sadness made possible only when not touched by the Grace of God? 'Cause I'm generally a pretty upbeat and bright-eyed boy. Or maybe she was just canvasing the neighborhood. If I'm such a sinner that I can be eyeballed from across the room (my clothes are crisp, I'm freshly washed, I have a little scruff, but it's not too frumpy, there should be no indication from my appearance that I'm fallen), I *hope* that it wasn't a simple canvasing. Does sin have a scent that can't be masked by middle-shelf bar soap and Ban Shower Fresh antiperspirant? Please don't let me be just another notch on your Witnessing Belt, M_____! Lie to me, tell me I'm special in some way. That you walked up to me specifically, that I wasn't just ANY contemplative dude scribbling in a sketchbook.

Anyway. Just another Tuesday afternoon, I guess, where I should expect excitement to turn to disappointment in a matter of somebody else's quick use of the restroom.

That said, I will gladly accept any beautiful woman's earnest attempts to save my eternal soul. Disappointment should be expected on their part, but maybe that just makes the exchange fair.

She has my business card, so maybe she's even stumbled across my blog... If you're reading this, M_____, know that you're obviously kind-hearted (I am too; I just don't believe in Jesus the same way you do), sweet, definitely beautiful, and you know how to reach me if you're so inclined to keep trying.



  1. Hey there beanforest,

    I'm new to your blog.
    I'm not sure why I feel the need to put that as some kind of disclaimer, especially since it's not exactly relevant to this comment.

    I was reading through your coffee shop experience with Jesus Lady and it fired up a memory of mine from a few months back.

    Perhaps given that we're strangers it's weird me leaving you a comment like this.
    Oh well.

    I live in Colorado and am a frequenter of Fort Collins. It's a pretty artsy town. Lots of creativity. Lots of weirdos. One day after treating myself to some bookstore perusing and lunch, a woman approached me as I was leaving the restaurant. I'd seen her prior to going in and she was a kind of street corner mumbler. Nothing new in Fort Collins. When I saw her approaching, I prepared myself to be asked for change or some kind of sales preposition. Instead, she proceeded to yell at me that, "Abortion is a sin! You'll be damned for all eternity!"
    Lots of people stared. Open mouthed.
    I could probably recall this in more detail if I tried, but I've chosen to forget it for the most part.
    I walked. . . Okay, I ran away. I guess I live a life of blasphemy, says Corner Mumbler Woman. What struck me as odd, though, is that why did she pin me as a girl that has had an abortion? Do girls that have abortions have a certain look similar to how you apparently have a look of a Sinner? I like to think I'm an average looking girl, minus a few tattoos, and I too was freshly washed.
    I guess you and I are both screwed, beanforest. At least the woman that approached you in the coffee shop was pretty!

    Sometimes I feel like most people have gone insane, and it's quite possible I'm the last sane person on the planet. Do you ever feel like that?

    A bit much coming from a stranger, I'm sure. And here I am, thinking I'm the sane one. : )

    Cheers to sinners,
    Heather Ann

  2. Thanks for sharing, Heather Ann!

    The feeling is there sometimes, that the whole world has gone crazy. But I like to think the genuinely crazy people just yell louder than everybody else, and that creates the impression that there are more of them than there really are. Maybe it's a delusion, but it helps me sleep better at night!

    Just as I was concerned of becoming just another notch on the witnessing belt, maybe you weren't alone in being pinned as a blasphemous abortion-haver. The corner mumbler is insane, to be sure, but she could've had one of those little tally clickers they use for crowd counting, and she doesn't permit herself to go home until she blindly accuses 20 strangers each afternoon.

    Yes, cheers!


  3. Huh. Interesting interpretation.
    Next thing on my bucket list besides motorcycle classes and breaking into my tenth pool of the summer in the middle of the night?
    - Buy self a clicker and on days I'm feeling particularly outgoing, blindly accuse people of not using their vehicle blinkers. This is a rapidly growing problem. What don't they understand? The blinker isn't for them, it's for everyone else.

    Heather Ann

  4. OMG I almost fell off my chair laughing!